Tesla's Newest Release Isn't An Electric Vehicle (It's Worse)

Tesla is a name synonymous with innovation, the bleeding edge of technology, and new, inventive systems that blur the lines between science-fiction and reality. Okay, maybe that's a bit exaggerated, but the company is well-known for pushing the boundaries of modern technology with its electric vehicles, robotics, you name it. Naturally, you'd expect the next product it launches to continue pushing those boundaries. A smart sandwich maker? An advanced single-person shuttle for exploring low orbit? Maybe a high-tech diving tool to search the ocean's depths? Turns out, it's nothing like that. It's just a dumb pickleball paddle — dumb in the sense that there's no connected tech or wireless features. Also dumb in the sense that, well, it's dumb.

Tesla says it's "optimized for high performance play," so there's that, at least. What's more alarming is that it costs a whopping $350, in a sport where good equipment is more commonly less than $100. Made by Selkirk, and "inspired by the aerodynamic design of Tesla vehicles," the one-of-a-kind paddle features a tailored composition with integrated weights, an edgeless design, and an open throat face. Tesla says it took months of collaboration, and lots of research and development to come up with the unique paddle. And it comes with a carrying bag, which is nice, I guess.

"Paddle up, human." That's how Tesla teased the pickleball paddle on X — which may or may not be clever. A little less clever is the board's composition, the materials used, not the design. Altogether, it's a carbon fiber board with a foam core that includes some unique stylings and functional design elements created through "a shared passion for quality and performance." Selkirk Co-Owner & Director of Research & Development Tom Barnes and Tesla's Director of Product Design Javier Verdura worked together to create this chonky mixed-material paddle.

Speaking to Business Insider, Tom Barnes says the paddle "wasn't simply a branding exercise, [but] a true engineering collaboration." He explains that after spending longer than a year trading data, refining paddle geometry and stress-testing prototypes, maybe with Tesla's robots, the paddle was born. The limited-run batch of paddles also sold out quickly, less than three hours after launch. That is in line with the brand's past performance, considering the Tesla Model Y was the first EV ever to be crowned the world's best-selling car. Then again, this isn't a car, it's a pickleball paddle. At least it didn't incorporate the boxed edges of the unique-looking Tesla Cybertruck, or did it?